The HeMan Woman Haters Club
by Lil Grrl Bleu
Summary: Just a night out with the boys! COMPLETE


Title: The He-Man Woman Haters Club

Author: Mackenzie

Email: "Las Vegas"

Category: General/Pure fluff

Disclaimers: I don't own 'em, don't claim to own 'em, don't sue.

1/

"You are really going to make me stay home alone on a Friday night? The first Friday night you've had off in months?"

Ed Deline sighed as he reached for his tie and placed it around his neck. "Jillian, I'm not making you do anything. If you want to go do something tonight, than go do it."

Narrowing her aqua eyes at her husband, she said, "I wanted to do something with you, Ed. We never get to do anything anymore. When was the last time we went to a movie, or had dinner?"

"What are you talking about?" Ed asked as he tied his tie, "We had just ate at Lucky Burgers last night."

Sighing in frustration, his wife went over and sat down on a cedar chest that was at the end of their bed. "Eddie, I mean it. We don't do anything anymore because you are always working and when you do decide to take a night off, you run off with that stupid group of guys."

"That stupid group of guys," he said as he knotted his tie, "are good people. Besides, I thought you liked Mike and Danny."

"I like Mike and Danny just fine," she said, "and I have no problem with Mitch either, it's that other one I can't stand."

Chuckling softly as he shook his head, Ed reached for his vest and put it on, "Jack Keller's a decent guy, honey."

"Jack Keller stole from you, Ed." She pointed out as she watched him dress, "And what's with the whole thirties gangster attire? You guys auditioning for a Coppola movie or something?" Watching as Ed reached onto the top shelf of their closet and pull a coordinating fedora hat down, she added, "And what's with those silly hats?"

Rolling his eyes, Ed said, "The hats are tradition, we all wear them. And what's with the third degree? I don't make fun of what you and your friends do when you gals get together."

"No, you just call us the screeching hens club. You five are like 'The He-Man Woman Haters Club' with you as Spanky, Danny as Alfalfa, Mike as Buckwheat, Jack as Stymie, and Mitch as Froggy."

Ed laughed hard as he buttoned up his vest, "We just get together, play some cards and have a good time, that's all. I promise to take off next Friday and we'll do something together."

"No," Jillian said, rising to her feet, "I've got plans already."

"What sort of plans?" He asked as he watched her head to the door.

Turning around, she grinned at her husband, "I have a meeting of the She-Ra Man Haters Club."

The five men made their way up to room 1109 at the Bellagio. Once Ed slid the card through the lock and walked in, he grinned when he saw everything already assembled. "Come on in, guys," he said, opening the door all the way.

Mike and Danny headed in, each wearing a dark gray pinstriped suit with a vivid orange dress shirt and a black pinstriped suit paired up with a crimson dress shirt, respectively, fedora hats on both of them.

Following them, Mitch rolled in wearing navy blue dress pants, a white dress shirt, hat and navy suspenders with Jack Keller bringing up the rear in a light gray suit with an eggplant dress shirt.

"Wow, nice digs," Keller remarked as he removed his hat, "how much did this set you back, Eddie?"

"Well, not as bad as you'd think actually," Ed responded as he removed his own chocolate brown fedora hat. "Especially considering the price is split five ways." He grinned as he turned his at upside down, "Pay up, gentlemen."

Rolling their eyes and groaning, the men reached into their back pockets and took their wallets out and put their portion of the room into Ed's hat. "Hey, aren't there are supposed to be girls here?"

"You rang?" Sam asked as she walked out wearing a trench coat, a tray in her hand.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Ed said, holding up a hand, "What's with the coat?"

Sam rolled her eyes, "You didn't really expect me to actually wear this thing, did you?"

"You took the five hundred bucks, didn't you?" Deline countered, an eyebrow cocked.

Sam narrowed her eyes at him, "I can get you for sexual harassment, you know that right?"

"If you accept the money, your case is irrelevant." Jack pointed out.

Glaring at Keller, Sam said with sarcasm in her voice, "Well thank you very much, Judge Judy."

"Come on," Ed urged, "take off the coat."

"Fine," the woman remarked as she set the tray down, "but I want 30 of everybody's winnings."

"That's not a part of the deal, Sam," Danny said.

"I'm renegotiating."

"Sam," Ed sighed, "you aren't getting 30 of our winnings. All you are doing is keeping the flow of alcohol, passing out cigars and refilling the peanut dishes."

"While wearing this ridiculous outfit! Really, Ed," Sam stated, hand on her hip, "where'd you find this thing? Paris Hilton's closet?"

"Now I really got to see what's under that coat," Mike grinned.

"20." Ed said.

"Twenty-five." Sam countered.

"Done."

Jack, Danny, Mike and Mitch all sighed heavily, "That means if I only win fifty bucks, I go home with thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents?" Mike asked. "This better be some ensemble."

"Lose the coat, Sam," Ed instructed as he walked over to the poker table to see that everything was set up correctly.

Sighing, Sam untied the belt and removed the coat, eliciting wolf whistles from the male population in the room. Silencing them all with a look to kill, she glared daggers at her boss, "I hope you lose big tonight."

Immediately all five men began to knock on anything and everything made of wood. "Alright, men," Ed said, loosening his tie, "let's play some cards."

The guys all gathered around the poker table as Sam passed out drinks. "Remind me again why I have to be here?"

"Tradition." All five men answered simultaneously as they sat down. Elaborating, Danny said, "We always have at least one beautiful woman around, it makes for nice eye candy."

"No, it's because you are all too lazy to get off your asses and get your own damn drinks," Sam responded.

"That too," Mitch agreed as he loosened his own tie.

"So why me?" She persisted.

Sighing in irritation, Ed said, "Because last year it was Mary and the very last thing I need, or want, to see is my daughters dressed up in a sexy bunny outfit complete with fishnet hose and stilettos."

"You have one daughter," Sam pointed out.

"Nessa's too close of a daughter for me to want to see her in that get up." Deline said as he shuffled the cards.

Jack rose his hand, "Can I see it? Hell, I wouldn't protest to seeing Delinda in that get up as well."

Narrowing his eyes at Keller, Ed said, "You want to die tonight?"

"No," the other man responded.

"Than zip it." Ed instructed as he dealt out the cards to the men.

Seeing that they were starting to play, Sam sat down on a corner of the bed and watched in silence. An hour into the playing, she was struck with a thought, "Five men and one woman in a hotel room. The staff downstairs must think we are having one great big orgy or something."

"Let them think it," Ed said, "we all know the truth."

Sighing, she stood up and walked over to the window and observed the glittering Las Vegas strip. A few moments later, Mike's voice was heard, "Sam, can I get a refill please?"

"And now it starts," Samantha Jane muttered under her breath as she walked over to where the bottle of cognac was kept. Pulling the cork out, she walked over and refilled Mike's glass. Walking over to Danny, she said, "You want me to tap it off?"

"Shhhh!" Danny hissed, "I'm on a roll, never mess with a man on a streak, Sam!"

"Show me a man on a streak, Danny, and I'll remember that rule. You want a refill or not?" Sam said impatiently.

Sighing, Danny nodded and Sam refilled his drink. Walking over to Mitch, she peeked at his cards and grinned, knowing he had a good hand. Pouring him some more to drink, she walked over to Ed and tapped his drink off as well, peeking at his cards over his shoulder. Once she was done filling Ed's drink, she walked over and poured some more alcohol in Jack's glass. As she made her way back to the cart, she felt a sharp smack on her rear and she jumped and turned around. "Who did that?" She demanded.

Without taking their attention off the game, Ed, Danny, Mike and Mitch all pointed to Jack, who grinned widely. "What?" He asked innocently.

Narrowing her eyes, Sam said, "Consider yourself cut off. You want a drink, or some peanuts or a cigar, get it yourself."

"You can't do that." Turning to look at Ed, Keller said, "She can't do that. Ed, tell her she can't do that."

"You know the rules, Jack," Ed said, throwing a $100 chip down into the pot, "hands off the girls."

Sighing in irritation, Sam walked over to the table. "Wow," she said as she looked at the pot, "How much you guys got in there?"

"Two grand," Mike said.

Letting out a low whistle, Sam went over and poured herself a drink. "A regular group of high rollers. Maybe I ought to see if they want to be comped." she said sarcastically to herself.

"You know, we can hear you all the way over here, Sam." Danny said.

"Your point?" Marquez shot back.

"Quit distracting the players, Sam," Ed said, his voice low in concentration. "Alright, boys," he said, "time for the moment of truth."

All five men laid their cards down. "Jack," Mitch said, "why did you place a $200 raise when you only had two pairs?"

Keller shrugged as he puffed his cigar, "I thought I had a good hand."

"Read them and weep!" Mike said as he laid down his royal flush.

"Dammit!" Ed said as he pounded the table and sighed. "I think we have ourselves a cheat, guys."

"What?" Mike asked, "Face it, old man, you are losing your touch when it comes to poker."

"Just be careful you don't fall into a familiar routine," Danny advised.

The African American man shook his head, "This is strictly for fun. I know my limits."

"Speaking of limits," Mitch said as he wheeled back away from the table, "I think I've reached mine. Deal me out, would you, Ed?"

Ed nodded as Danny just looked at Mitch, "You can't play anymore? Are you a sissy or something?"

Rolling his eyes, the man responded dryly, "No, I just know that I have to pay my rent, buy groceries and have other expenses that I need to take care of at the end of this month."

"Wise man, Mitch," Mike said with a nod of his head.

"Can I still watch?" Mitch questioned.

"Go sit with Sam," Ed said.

"Yeah, cause Sam is sitting in the reject corner, right, Ed?" Sam questioned sarcastically.

Deline sighed as he shook his head, ignoring her, as Mitch wheeled over to her. Grinning at the brunette, he patted his lap, "Have a seat."

Laughing, Sam stood up as she sat down in Mitch's lap. "So who do you think will end up losing big time?"

Mitch scratched his beard for a moment, "Hard to say," he said quietly, "Mike is a pro, so is Ed, Danny plays on instinct, and Jack just has dumb luck, but right now, my money's on Ed or Mike."

Sam nodded in agreement as they both watched them play some more.

Two Hours Later-

"I can't believe Jack Keller beat me with a three of a kind," Danny pouted as he sat next to Mitch. Both men watched as Samantha Jane made the round around the table once again, refilling the drinks of Ed and Mike, purposefully ignoring Jack, who made it a habit of whining everytime he was left out.

"Please, Sam?" Jack begged, "My throat is as dry as the Sahara."

"My heart bleeds for you," she said dryly before adding, "You have two arms and two legs, use 'em."

"And leave the table? Who knows what these two would pull."

Ed lifted his eyes up from his cards and looked across the table at his former partner, "Are you insinuating that we would look at your cards and or cheat?"

"I'm not insinuating," Jack stated, "I'm flat out saying."

"That hurts, Jack," Mike said as he shook his head.

"Why would we even need to cheat? So far we've whipped your ass for three grand." Ed stated as he sorted his cards.

"I don't trust you as far as I can throw you, Eddie," Jack said.

"Pot meet kettle," Danny said quietly from the gallery, causing an icy glare from Keller to be thrown his way.

"Just because I made a few bad choices," Jack stated, "doesn't mean I'm a bad guy."

Ed placed his cards, face down, on the table. "Panama, 1991, Jack."

Rolling his eyes, Keller reached for a handful of cashews. "That was nothing."

"What happened in Panama?" Mitch asked as Sam sat down next to him.

"Besides nearly getting us killed? Not much, except for the fact that ole Jackie Boy here was caught in the buff with the nineteen year old virginal daughter of a Prince."

"She wasn't virginal when I got done with her," Keller said with a grin.

Sam rolled her eyes as her face twisted in a mask of disgust, "Pig," she said.

Grinning more at the brunette, Jack simply said "Oink, oink, baby."

Ed picked up his cards and looked at the remaining players, "You guys ready to show what you got?"

Both men nodded as the three of them laid their cards down.

"Damn," Mike sighed as he handed the cards to Ed. Deline grinned as he brought the pot his way and took Jack's cards. "I'm out," Mike said. "This is getting too rich for me."

"Come sit in the rejects corner, Mike," Sam invited.

Cannon rose to his feet and collected his fedora, "Good luck, gentlemen," he said as he shook the hands of both Ed and Jack and walked over to where Danny, Mitch and Sam were.

"Alright, ante up, Jack," Ed said as he tossed a $1,000 chip into the hat.

Jack sighed as he tossed a chip of equal amount into the hat as Ed dealt them five cards apiece. After each man sorted his cards Deline lifted his blue eyes up to look at his friend, "You gonna open or call?"

"I'll open," Jack answered as he tossed a five hundred dollar chip down.

"I'll see your five hundred," Ed said as he tossed the chip into the hat, "and raise you three hundred," he said as he tossed three one hundred dollar chips in.

Jack laid two cards down on the table and grabbed two from the center deck. Once Jack had finished getting his cards, Ed laid three of his own down and took the replacements. Once Jack had his cards sorted, he threw down two one thousand dollar chips.

Ed looked at him carefully, "You are bluffing."

Jack merely shrugged, "Believe what you want, Ed."

Sighing deeply, Deline rubbed his forehead, unaware that Mitch, Sam, Danny and Mike had gathered back around the table, intrigued at what was going on. Keeping his eyes on his friend, Ed matched the bet and looked at Jack, "Moment of truth."

Both men set their cards down, face up, and Ed stared in horror at Jack's royal flush. "How in the hell did you get an unbeatable hand?" He demanded.

"Lucky?" Jack said, "I don't know, you dealt the cards."

"Damn," Mike whistled softly as he shook his head.

Sighing deeply, Ed rose to his feet and extended his hand to Jack, "Well played, Jack."

Jack grinned as he shook his friend's hand. "Thanks for inviting me, Ed, it was a lot of fun."

Sam stood up and looked at Jack, "$1,345 of that is mine." She smiled sweetly.

Sighing deeply, Keller looked at Ed, "Do I gotta?"

Shrugging, Ed took a calculator out, "A deal's a deal, Jack."

Sighing again, Jack counted out the money and handed it to Sam regretfully. "Bitch."

"Asshole," she countered back as she pocketed the money and then took the money from Danny, Mike, Mitch and Ed. Smiling as she stuffed the bills down the deep V-neck of her leotard, she grabbed her coat. "Jack, Mike, Ed, Danny, Mitch, it has been fun."

Chuckling as he shook his head, Ed grabbed his hat, "That it has. We need to do this again."

"Yeah, but next time our fly girl doesn't get any of our winnings," Mike said as he grabbed his own hat.

"Fly girl?" Sam scoffed, "You are just jealous cause I look better in the leotard."

Rolling his eyes, Mike walked out of the room and made his way down to the lobby, followed by Sam.

"So how much did you make out with?" Ed asked as he gave Danny a pat on the back.

"Before or after Sam's cut?"

"After," he chuckled.

"Almost two grand."

"Not bad," Deline remarked, impressed. Glancing down at Mitch, he said, "And you?"

"Nope," Mitch said as he shook his head, "I don't divulge my winnings, boss."

Rolling his eyes, Ed was the last to leave the room. Casting a glance back at the poker table, chips and empty bottle of cognac, he grinned as he shut the lights off and the meeting of the He-Man Woman Haters Club had come to an end.

Fini


End file.
